Frostwing's Heart
by InterestingIndeed
Summary: Frostwing is desperately in love with a tom she knows she can never be with. Her heart aches for him even though she knows just how futile it truly is to even hope for him. Here is her side of the battle her heart is waging with the world.


Frostwing's Heart

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_**Warning!**_

_**If you are reading **__**The New Hero**__** this short story contains more spoilers than wikipedia! If you are totally okay with getting one of the biggest sub plots revealed to you read on! But if you are one of those people who hates spoilers please leave now. If you're not reading The New Hero then you totally should! Or don't, whatever floats your boat. **_

_**Just a quick note that this is my first shot at a sort of romance novella that accompanies my main story. Feedback is requested but not required. Thanks a bunch and I hope you enjoy this short story!**_

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Every time I see his handsome, confident stance I am reminded of some of my favorite stories the elders told about brave warriors like Firestar and Bramblestar. Everytime I see that little scar on his nose I am reminded of the time we went on Dawn Patrol together and got tangled in a thorn bush. Even though it was orbably the most painful thing I've been in during my entire life it remains one of my fondest memories because on that patrol we finally connected. Every time he laughs I am reminded of the best things that could possibly happen in the world. Yet, everytime I see him I am reminded that he will never be mine.

Blazespirit is a muscular smoky gray tom with icy blue eyes. Even if he is a bit scatter brained and haplessly naive he is still one of the most caring and compassionate warriors I've ever met. His bravery and loyalty undying and his will unyielding. Even if he can be an idiot at times and, yes, he does get on my nerves there is something about him I just can't help but love.

I've known Blazespirit all of my life. We were born on the same day, different parents though, so we grew up together with my sister, Dawnheart. Now let me inform you, Dawnheart is one beautiful cat. She is an absolutely gorgeous tortoiseshell! Plus she got all the right qualities: mom's patience, dad's sense of humor, selflessness, intelligence, compassion, gentleness, and just a great personality overall. Unfortunately I am the exact oposite.

You see, in the beginning it didn't matter because we both just kits but as we're maturing it's plain to see who's better. Even though we're the same age, Dawnheart looks, and acts, much older than I. Her features as a cat filed in much more quickly than mine are. So, everyone knows she's perfect and I am the opposite. I have a light gray muzzle that fades to white and the same on my ears and my legs and tail have gray stripes, similar to a tabby's but not really. It's more like 3 on each leg. Then the rest of my body is just that solid white. I have icy blue eyes which is why my mother named me Frostkit. This all may sound pretty to you but apperantly to my clan it is not.

You know that whole personality thing? I am the exact opposite of perfect. I am impatient, blunt, sharp-tounged, no common sense, and a pessimistic outlook. So really, I can see why he chose Dawnheart over me. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't! If you were given the most beautiful, sweet cat in the world next to the most distempered and ugly and were forced to chose who'd you choose? Obviously not the ugly one. Sometimes seeing them share tounges or leave on hunting patrol together gets me into a firey rage. I want to see it end, I want to see some huge fight that will break it up.

And then I feel guilty about thinking like that way. Blazespirit deserves to be happy as does Dawnheart even if it isn't the way I always dreamed it would be. I can't change me for him. I am a terrible liar- a great actor, but terrible liar- and therefore would get caught like that. I can lie with the small stuff. 'Fat? You? Please!' and 'I'm not hungry, you can have it.' are easy, but big things like change my entire personality? I could never pull that off. Plus it is plain to see that StarClan has chosen its OTP and if it isn't me and Blazespirit there is nothing I can do.

Ever since they became mates though I am finding it harder and harder to be with him. Not just alone but with him at all. I always am looking for ways to drag out our hunting patrols together because I don't know when the next one will be if there will be a next one at all. The life of a clan cat can end so quickly and unexpectedly that you never know when your next meal will be your last, so be it with hunting patrols. Plus when we're alone, or with Dawnheart, Blazespirit reveals his funny light hearted side. Once it was just me and him on a Dawn Patrol when as we were on the border we saw a Shadowclan patrol making its rounds. Even though we were in our border we decided it was best to hide in a bush. When they started talking in their snobby tones about scenting Thunderclan nearby Blazespirit started imitating them. He made me laugh so hard I had to use my tail to stop my giggles from alerting the ShadowClan patrol.

I have a lot of memories of him growing up, seeing as how we were so close in age we grew up practically side by side. In the beginning I thought he was nothing but a pile of fox dung. But after we became warriors I suddenly wanted to be around him all the time. I wanted to just spend my entire day talking or walking in the forest with him. Sometimes at night when I couldn't sleep I would just imagine myself hunting with him alone or out on Dawn Patrol but the thing was that they would never end and I could just stay with him for ever. It took me a few moons but I finally realized something: I was desperately in love with the tom! I was going to ask him about possibly going on a patrol, alone, when Dawnheart told me he had just asked her to be mates. At first I was crushed! I was furious! I want nothing but to pulverize the little moron for never even giving me a second chance! Sure, growing up I was always a little short with him and I guess that came across as rude but couldn't he see I loved him too?

However on the outside I was excited for Dawnheart. I pretended to be happy, overjoyed, enthusiastic about the news. I believe I mentioned above about my great acting skills, they were put to the test that day and all the days to come. I was a wave of fury inside. I wanted to kill Dawnheart, eliminate the competition and take my tom, but good sense prevailed. That and the fact that I got my claws stuck in the ground and couldn't pull them free making me endure her entire spazzy speech.

Now word has reached my ears that Dawnheart is pregnant. I should be happy for them, I know, but something keeps pulling me into frustration. Why did he choose her? Why not me? Why never even consider my feelings? Why has StarClan destined my life to be a constant reminders of whys and ifs? Why have they pushed me aside? Why have they made my life a living Shadow Realm? What did I ever do to them?

Now every time I see them together my heart tears a little more. A constant barrage of self guilt and punishment. Before they became mates I still reached for that glimmer of hope that I could still make him like me. First I thought it was my looks. Maybe I am too… big? I started eating less and working out, well as much as a cat can work out with clan life, more. Then I thought maybe it was my attitude. I tried taking a bit more positive outlook-which by the way, crashed and burned like the old ThunderClan forest if what the elders say is true- and tried holding my tounge and having more patiance. I tried so hard but as I look upon the result I realized it wasn't any of those things that made me unattractive, it was me in general. Who I was, what I had said or did, it was me. I was the problem. I guess that stuff above really is me, you know, the whole body image and attitude, it's all me, but what I am trying to say is that my past has come back to haunt me. If I could go back in time and make my past self shut up every time she was about to say something rude I would. I would do almost anything, but everything just isn't enough. I can't change who I was back then, no cat can do that.

My heart is shredded and my body ravaged. How much more can I take until I do something drastic?


End file.
